Some reflections

Well hello again dear readers!
It’s been a good long time since I’ve written. This summer has flown by with river floating trips, sunburns, berry sickness from the overwhelming wealth of the valley, long, languid days of seeking shade, cool and breeze.
This past week I had an important anniversary. Not one for celebrating necessarily but one for marking. One that demands a moment of reflection. One year ago this week I was diagnosed with breast cancer.
As I think about how things are now, it feels like everything has changed and nothing has changed. I still seek my pleasures with the people and places that bring me joy. I still would choose a day by the river side with a cold beer in my hand than a day of shopping. I still would rather a good long chat with my people than to watch some mindless tv. I am still overwhelmed and overjoyed by the bounty in our garden and I am still stressed that there aren’t enough hours in the day or belly’s in this house to eat it all. I still laugh to snorts, snot bubbles and tears. I still love with my whole heart.
There are, of course, some things that are different. I am SO happy with my new body and so excited to be gearing up for the next, and last phase of the physical healing process. Every day my scars seem a little less red and a little smoother. Very soon they will be covered by beautiful art. Beautiful art that was, by the way, paid for by the amazing generosity of the internet community. So many friends, friends of friends, relatives and even complete strangers donated to http://getthesebeautiestattooed.mydagsite.com/. I have been truly humbled by all of the love and I promise I’ll post when it’s done being pealy and gross.
My mental healing from this process has been much more challenging than painting it with tattoos. I have started volunteering as a mentor with Project HER. These were the same wonderful women who reached out to me after my diagnosis. They offered their stories, their decision making processes, their challenges, fears, triumphs and encouragement. I have come to a place where I can offer that to other women who have the same struggles I had. Coming to the realization that I was in a place to give help rather than ask for help has demonstrated to me just how far I’ve come. One of my mentors told me in the very beginning after quite gracefully bearing her post-surgical breasts to me in the bathroom at my office, “This is not a group anyone ever wants to join but there is a strength in survival that makes us even stronger.” Amen sister!
I have also thrown my hat in the ring to be a runway model at the Project HER fundraising event called Putting on the Pink in October. I know, right?!?! Those of you that know me might feel confused by this sudden interest in modeling. Well, here’s the deal. I have never felt like I had anything to model before. That my beauty wasn’t one that cared for the catwalk. Well now I have something to show off. I will be up there struttin’ my strength and resilience. My hope is that, if I shake it hard enough, I might be a mirror for someone who has just put on the shoes I was in. That they will see that, in time, those shitty cancer shoes might be shook off for some heals!