On being open, also the Bee-kini video!!!

Well, it’s been almost a year since this wonderful party and I’m finally getting around to sharing with you all this beautiful video that was lovingly shot and edited by my dear friend Chris Hedstrom. The importance of that day as a nod to the fact that I had lived through something was monumental but the fact that dear friends and loved ones literally walked through a swarm of bees to hug me still has me speechless. I will forever be grateful to Mike Burgett and Carolyn Breece for supplying the bees and their expertise in handling them. I am tickled that Scott and all the other Chateau Beauzeaux crew offered such a perfect venue to host this madness. John flexed his artistry with the pit construction and roasting of that pig. Betsey and Caleb and Yankee Gaucho really made the soundtrack for the day. Grateful doesn’t feel like strong enough a word for how I feel about all of the wonderful people who where there to celebrate with me on that day and to all of the people that carried me, walked with me, propped me up, supported me and got me to the point that I could celebrate being cancer free.

I know it’s been a million years since I’ve written anything here and I’ve really been trying to figure out why. The best thing I can come up with is that I’ve been busy living my life. That was the ultimate goal, right? I can’t say that it’s getting back to ‘normal’ cause my life has never been a normal one (nor would I like it to be!) but I feel like I have reached a point where I am no longer shocked by what happened to me. It’s just a part of my history. I am no longer adjusting to my new body, it is just my body now. I am no longer angry at my cancer, I won that battle.

I am so lucky to be able to say that. I am acutely aware that others have not been so lucky. While I am not mad at my cancer any longer I am still mad as hell at cancer. It is indiscriminate in who it chooses and leaves devastation in its wake. Fuck cancer!

Since I am very open about my experience there is a funny thing that happens around me at dinner parties, especially when I’m new-ish to a group of people. My having had cancer occasionally comes up in conversation and I’ll talk about finding the lump and I’ll say, “Early detection is no shit ladies! Learn your bodies and if you notice a change get it looked at!” and all the ladies around me will start feeling their boobs. Consciously or not. It’s a funny super power to have and one, I’m sure, that young boys day dream about. It is a power, however, that I am happy to wield if it helps even one more person detect a cancer early and just maybe skirt chemo, lessen a little suffering, or shorten recovery time.

I feel like this post may be me signing off here. The garden is in full swing, the dogs could use more attention (always!), and river season is so close I can taste it. I will keep telling my story because it is still an important one to tell. I will always encourage questions and answer them as frankly as I can. In the mean time you’ll find me doing whatever the hell else suits my fancy. To quote my very favorite author, Kurt Vonnegut, Jr., “So it goes.”